Friday, August 01, 2008

Wal-Mart Pees Its Pants

Wal-Mart executives are terrified that an Obama victory will spark a nationwide unionization effort. They're so scared that they're warning their managers about it. This raises some very important, nuanced political questions. I will try to list them as eloquently as possible:

1. Can a corporation piss itself?
2. Are Wal-Mart's leading executives pissing themselves?
3. If Wal-Mart's leading executives are, in fact, incontinent, can they purchase adult diapers at employee discount rates?
4. Will a McCain victory embolden Wal-Mart executives to bash their workers in the head with baseball bats?
5. Will those baseball bats be purchased from Wal-Mart, at the employee discount rate?
6. Has Obama ever been inside a Wal-Mart?
7. Do they sell caviar at Wal-Mart? (trick question because I know the answer)
8. Will McCain piss himself just because?
9. If Obama promises to continue to sell out minorities by promoting the capricious, error-prone, racist death penalty, will Wal-Mart stock go up?
10. Would Obama like to open up a few Wal-Marts in Afghanistan?

1 comment:

kyle said...

Fuck yeah stannard. This post made me piss myself laughing.

i thought it was appropriate.